You know I care for you
But pretend and lead me on, that's all you do
I try to still believe but now I'm through
And the only place I see
is calling out to me
It's the only place I know
It's the place where I must go
On the moon, that's where you'll find me soon.
I'll be alone again
That's okay, I must be on my own again.
I'll be waiting on the moon for you
I sit and reminisce for many hours
I miss the rain and all the pretty flowers
I dream of all the cities and their towers
And I hope you wonder why
I'm lying in the sky
I'll even let you in for free
If you come and visit me
On the moon, that's where you'll find me soon.
I'll be alone again
And all I'll do is to lie there till I die there
Waiting on the moon for you
Would you ever even dream
to go to the extreme?
And would you ever want to be
the one to rescue me?
On the moon, that's where you'll find me soon.
All alone again
Unwinding there and praying that you'll find me there
Waiting on the moon for you
On the moon, that's where you'll find me soon.
And still your face will be haunting me
So if you're ever wanting me
I'll be waiting on the moon for you
Citation credit - From Peter Cincotti
http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/peter-cincotti/id3695561
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
By any other name
The heat was rising in waves off the faded asphalt on his left and past the curb. He pedaled his rickety beach cruiser bicycle along Macintosh Road, cruising the pebbled and sun-bleached sidewalk, weaving now and then to avoid the weeds growing like Southern corn stalks from between the cracks. It was not easy to tell his age, his skin being folded and wrinkled from the sun; brown like the cigarette stains on his hands. His eyes were shaded under a gray baseball cap - a Walmart selection that had a #3 on the front bill. Blue jeans hung loosely on his skinny frame, short and faded and sagging down in the back. And for the dual purpose of keeping cool and looking cool, he had on a ribbed and sleeveless t-shirt.
Balanced on his handlebars was a boxed set of beer, twelve cans precariously perched; sliding from side to side as the bike tried to keep a straight line in the dizzying sun. As if performed in a ring at the nearby Circus, the act featured a masterment of physics - the bicycle, the shifting and flimsy collection of cans, the weeds and the light poles, and the brilliant solar spot light. Only Ringmaster Ned was missing.
It probably wasn't easy to keep those cool beers in their box. Already the blue and white cardboard was becoming soft and loose with condensation. And the effort expended to keep the whole complex process in motion was no doubt creating a gigantic thirst. One way or the other, it appeared inevitable.
It wasn't long before the beach cruiser 's front tire met a crack in the pavement. The end of the box popped open and several beers tumbled out to the ground. As the man reached for the falling box, he lost his grip on the handlebars. Bike, man and box all tumbled on to the hot concrete.
I muttured to myself, "Are you kidding me?"
I watched as the cans spun around on the pale concrete, their streaks of water instantly evaporating as they rolled.. The man stood up over his bicycle, took off his hat and waved #3 around in frustration. He shook his fist at the cans lying there, cursing his bad luck and the cheap glue used at the Keystone factory.
The lights at the intersection changed and cars began to move. I felt sorry for this man on his bike. Ok, it was a little humorous, but I felt bad for being entertained at his expense. And as much as I want to call him a redneck, I think it would be kind of mean, given his personal tragedy.
But come on, if not that, then what?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Your best day
It was a day that surprised all of us. It snuck up like a treacherous thief, waiting behind a tree in the backyard; grabbing your bicycle and disappearing with a sneer. A thief of innocence, too.
Some days in our lives can be so rare and significant that they endure; remembered with a permanence. They linger through the years - though blurred and remembered perhaps only in bits and pieces. Framing our lives. This was a day like that.
A day when character is tested.
That evening, I looked into the tearful and red eyes of my sister and knew she had one of those days. My sister, who we remember cooing and kicking and rolling on her blanket when we were teenagers. The one whom we bathed in the kitchen sink as we sat laughing with our high school friends. Little could we envision then that one day she would be there when we needed her most.
I told her that it was a day to remember; a difficult day by any measure. But it was over now - passed by as one of her life’s great challenges. But I also told her that I knew when she met God in heaven, he would say it was one of her best days ever.
It was. And we love you Meg.
Friday, April 30, 2010
A mother's summer
Growing up, we always knew when summer was around the corner. The window screens, chalky and grey, would appear from the basement, smelling musty and faintly of past summer storms.
Magnolia blossoms filled some of our backyard trees with their delicate pink petals; like soft, flushed skin. Their perfume was a reminder, deeply felt, of the coming season. The flowers were fleeting – they’d wilt with the first cold rain.
In circles around the trees, lime-green shoots pushed up through the litter of unraked leaves and brittle branches left from the fall. Exotic plants, forgotten under the winter snow, also began to emerge. They transformed overnight in the first warm days of May, a photoshopic change in hue from brown to deep green.
We’d escape outside with the new season, and we were filled with the same excited emotions as if we’d found a favorite toy that had been presumed lost forever. It was back.
Out on our front sidewalk, next to a giant elm tree, there was a section of slab tilted up like a small step, where a root had lifted it. Its surface pocked and pitted, it was several inches thick, heavy and immense and immovable. None of us could lift it an inch - and we often tried. Although the tree was eventually lost to Dutch elm disease, its roots left their mark long after it was cut down by city workers.
Summer also marked the beginning of my mother’s annual but unofficial camp program. We all learned at an early age that the agenda for our summers wasn’t really ours. It was all hers.
Vacation Bible school was a frequent offering. It wasn’t Catholic, but since they used the Bible and it kept us busy, it was just as good. Besides, our memories of the school are exclusively about the packages of ice cream they distributed - with their own wooden spoons. Rarely did we remember what was said about the New Testament.
An important and imperial rule was about television. There was strictly limited access. Sometimes, my mother would make good on her threats – she really would cut off the cord to the television. To her, it was “canned laughter” and crap, and not part of the summer program. Now we agree. But we didn’t think so at the time.
The campers liked sleep overs, but they were infrequently allowed. When Meg would be allowed to sleep at a friend’s house, family legend has it that Marge would show up early the next morning to bring her home. She’d arrive at the friend's front door and say, “Meg, time to come home, you have chores to do.” Like we were Amish and worked on the family farm.
My mother registered all of us for swim lessons every year. They were held at Memorial Park. We rode our bikes there, and it was miles away (really). Sessions began in early June, and started with students sitting lined on the edge of the pool, shivering and fearful. The Park District somehow managed to get the water colder than actual tap water – which in Chicago was frigid. Even by August, we all needed to “get used to it” before it was tolerable. And that meant goose bumps and purple lips.
“Get Meg out of the pool, her lips are blue,” my mother would announce to any nearby sibling. Meg would be shivering, arms across her chest, but saying she was fine. Mom knew.
Sports were encouraged. We erected a basketball hoop against the coach house. The backboard was held in place by two-by-fours, which needed to be re-nailed every year to keep the whole structure from swaying each time the ball hit the rim. We’d compete for playing time on our own court with the neighborhood brothers, who taught me my wicked turn-around jumper - one that I can still hit even today.
As summer progressed and the days became hotter, the box fan would spend more days standing in the doorway, thrumming along with the cicadas. We had spent the humid days doing chores, riding bikes, caring for infant siblings, and a thousand other things. As the years progressed, my mother had us working various jobs (to which she had applied for us). In high school and college, she had us enroll in volunteer programs in Central and South America, and our curriculum was advanced to a level none of us thought possible.
One of my mother’s greatest legacies is her boundless and remarkable energy. It was enough for everyone. She created endless projects and endless opportunities to fill our days and our minds. She was the principal, the teacher, the den mother, the head nurse, the groundskeeper, the game warden, the mother nun, the librarian, the counselor and the gym coach. She could do it all – and she did. And we followed. Ok, we resisted much of the time. But we learned to appreciate it - and we learned to love her for it.
Those summer months flashed by so quickly that many are lost to our memories. But some moments are clearly remembered. Like riding our bikes over the crack in the sidewalk that had been lifted by the giant tree, its branches reaching high over our street in a panoramic and protective arch.
The summers my mother created for us helped us build roots like those. And today we push through life’s challenges as if they are the lightest of concrete blocks.
Each of us has been filled with energy and purpose - vividly so. As artists, scientists, teachers, businessmen, or just especially good mothers and fathers, we can look back on our summers and, in part, understand why.
And we’re glad she cut the cord to the TV. Even if we didn't seem so at the time.
Magnolia blossoms filled some of our backyard trees with their delicate pink petals; like soft, flushed skin. Their perfume was a reminder, deeply felt, of the coming season. The flowers were fleeting – they’d wilt with the first cold rain.
In circles around the trees, lime-green shoots pushed up through the litter of unraked leaves and brittle branches left from the fall. Exotic plants, forgotten under the winter snow, also began to emerge. They transformed overnight in the first warm days of May, a photoshopic change in hue from brown to deep green.
We’d escape outside with the new season, and we were filled with the same excited emotions as if we’d found a favorite toy that had been presumed lost forever. It was back.
Out on our front sidewalk, next to a giant elm tree, there was a section of slab tilted up like a small step, where a root had lifted it. Its surface pocked and pitted, it was several inches thick, heavy and immense and immovable. None of us could lift it an inch - and we often tried. Although the tree was eventually lost to Dutch elm disease, its roots left their mark long after it was cut down by city workers.
Summer also marked the beginning of my mother’s annual but unofficial camp program. We all learned at an early age that the agenda for our summers wasn’t really ours. It was all hers.
Vacation Bible school was a frequent offering. It wasn’t Catholic, but since they used the Bible and it kept us busy, it was just as good. Besides, our memories of the school are exclusively about the packages of ice cream they distributed - with their own wooden spoons. Rarely did we remember what was said about the New Testament.
An important and imperial rule was about television. There was strictly limited access. Sometimes, my mother would make good on her threats – she really would cut off the cord to the television. To her, it was “canned laughter” and crap, and not part of the summer program. Now we agree. But we didn’t think so at the time.
The campers liked sleep overs, but they were infrequently allowed. When Meg would be allowed to sleep at a friend’s house, family legend has it that Marge would show up early the next morning to bring her home. She’d arrive at the friend's front door and say, “Meg, time to come home, you have chores to do.” Like we were Amish and worked on the family farm.
My mother registered all of us for swim lessons every year. They were held at Memorial Park. We rode our bikes there, and it was miles away (really). Sessions began in early June, and started with students sitting lined on the edge of the pool, shivering and fearful. The Park District somehow managed to get the water colder than actual tap water – which in Chicago was frigid. Even by August, we all needed to “get used to it” before it was tolerable. And that meant goose bumps and purple lips.
“Get Meg out of the pool, her lips are blue,” my mother would announce to any nearby sibling. Meg would be shivering, arms across her chest, but saying she was fine. Mom knew.
Sports were encouraged. We erected a basketball hoop against the coach house. The backboard was held in place by two-by-fours, which needed to be re-nailed every year to keep the whole structure from swaying each time the ball hit the rim. We’d compete for playing time on our own court with the neighborhood brothers, who taught me my wicked turn-around jumper - one that I can still hit even today.
As summer progressed and the days became hotter, the box fan would spend more days standing in the doorway, thrumming along with the cicadas. We had spent the humid days doing chores, riding bikes, caring for infant siblings, and a thousand other things. As the years progressed, my mother had us working various jobs (to which she had applied for us). In high school and college, she had us enroll in volunteer programs in Central and South America, and our curriculum was advanced to a level none of us thought possible.
One of my mother’s greatest legacies is her boundless and remarkable energy. It was enough for everyone. She created endless projects and endless opportunities to fill our days and our minds. She was the principal, the teacher, the den mother, the head nurse, the groundskeeper, the game warden, the mother nun, the librarian, the counselor and the gym coach. She could do it all – and she did. And we followed. Ok, we resisted much of the time. But we learned to appreciate it - and we learned to love her for it.
Those summer months flashed by so quickly that many are lost to our memories. But some moments are clearly remembered. Like riding our bikes over the crack in the sidewalk that had been lifted by the giant tree, its branches reaching high over our street in a panoramic and protective arch.
The summers my mother created for us helped us build roots like those. And today we push through life’s challenges as if they are the lightest of concrete blocks.
Each of us has been filled with energy and purpose - vividly so. As artists, scientists, teachers, businessmen, or just especially good mothers and fathers, we can look back on our summers and, in part, understand why.
And we’re glad she cut the cord to the TV. Even if we didn't seem so at the time.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Hey Ghost
Hey ghost
you really don't fit in here
in that Victorian costume
of see-through, sepia design
It might have been cool once
Now it's not to wear drag
Clinton and Stephanie would both tell you
it's not for the ghost about town
Those pale ivory buttons on your brown shoes
are quite out of style unless you're name Ida
But they make for good thumping
up and down the front stairs
And the orb
yes, the orb that you sent to my room
How couldn't I notice that thing?
It scared my cat crazy - she scratched my right arm
Come on
I know you can talk
Basement and attic, you murmur and moan
So, "Meg...." in the white noise
won't really scare me
when I tune in my Sony TV
And don't think I'm psycho
No matter how much
you wish and you whisper
you won't get me anywhere near
The coachhouse upstairs
I'm happy and normal
with people from around here
I don't miss Ms. Jacobs or Riley or Gen
And don't want to talk to the girl they say jumped
Hey ghost
You are starting to really annoy me
I'm about ready to call
my friend Father Kret
And then who will be scared?
you really don't fit in here
in that Victorian costume
of see-through, sepia design
It might have been cool once
Now it's not to wear drag
Clinton and Stephanie would both tell you
it's not for the ghost about town
Those pale ivory buttons on your brown shoes
are quite out of style unless you're name Ida
But they make for good thumping
up and down the front stairs
And the orb
yes, the orb that you sent to my room
How couldn't I notice that thing?
It scared my cat crazy - she scratched my right arm
Come on
I know you can talk
Basement and attic, you murmur and moan
So, "Meg...." in the white noise
won't really scare me
when I tune in my Sony TV
And don't think I'm psycho
No matter how much
you wish and you whisper
you won't get me anywhere near
The coachhouse upstairs
I'm happy and normal
with people from around here
I don't miss Ms. Jacobs or Riley or Gen
And don't want to talk to the girl they say jumped
Hey ghost
You are starting to really annoy me
I'm about ready to call
my friend Father Kret
And then who will be scared?
My green Scwhinn Varsity
On the fourth of July
To Beverly Bank
And hot August skies
Flinging on down
old Devil’s hill
Gripping green tape
And ready to spill
And I shouldn’t have left
my favorite 10 speed
My varsity bike
all shiny and green
On the Prospect back porch
unlocked for the night
Without a mean dog
or even a light
To keep out old Charlie,
Fulloflove indeed
My bike in exchange
for a bagful of weed
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Jesse's Paint Shop
at a paint shop named Crow's
There's an artist named Jesse
With a pin through his nose
He sits on his stool
and works his designs
lost in his thoughts
to the tunes of Rammstein
At the beach and the bay
the dock and the pier
you see works by Jesse
everywhere here
Butterfly wings, looping and flowing
alien faces, teeth and eyes glowing
Dear mother Alice, in memory of
lost to the seaweed out in the gulf
Girlfriends and wives, now past their best
are recorded on forearms
and painted on chests
Now raising their babies
In Venice and Port Charlotte
The girls have tatts too,
from their days as beach harlots
Wanna be cowboys with testosterone threats
spelled out by Jesse
there on their necks
Crosses galore,
thorn rings and thorn roses
thorn rings and thorn roses
they're part of the band
on their bellies and noses
on their bellies and noses
Jesse's own gallery, in stores and in shops
in high concentration
in the IHops
At the beach, in the sand,
in the sweat and the brine
the tattoo creations, they swim and they shine
There isn't some skin
no matter how teeny
that Jesse's not painted
in a bikini
In a black Scorpions tee shirt, his industry grows
and Jesse's the king - he makes it up as he goes
is a sharp clear brown liquid
known around here as rum
As it flows through the crowd on the key and in bars
folks think of Jesse
and get into their cars
They come out to Crow's, open 24 hours
and start out with thoughts of a tiny red flower
Then they get almost naked and pass out on cue
and Jesse starts working
with greens and with blues
By the time they awake,
the confederate painter
has painted himself
a huge alligator
It's there on his calf,
right there on her thigh
It must have looked cool
When they were high
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Wake up, my boy
Wake up, my boy
it's time you get started
the coffee pot's on
and the cat has departed
It was a long x-box night
dead cowboys and soldiers
dancing in death
at your wireless controllers
But now here's today
it's here, it's right now
the sun has come up
and so have the cows
And if I have to, I'll say it
on this morning so clear
the perfect alarm clock
"Hey, lookie here"
on this morning so clear
the perfect alarm clock
"Hey, lookie here"
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tucker's hotel
Out on the highway
on the old Tucker place
Past the faded red barns
and the old missle base
There's a brand new hotel,
built just last year
And it's really not far,
but it's really not near
The Bobs looked at prices
and decided they needed
a place not too fancy
the lot not too weeded
So I drove my white rental
down the straight asphalt track
Past a barbed wire fence
and the weathered old shack
Past the tall skinny pines
and gnarled oak trees
And way past the sign
for the new Applebees
I looked out the window
at the browns and the grays
And the light yellow greens
soon to be maize
They flashed past the windows
in a blurred country scene
Complete with the cattle
and the pigs that looked mean
The black and white cows,
well they just didn't move
They stomped muddy hoofs
and they snorted and stewed
They stood and they stared,
and they chewed and they chewed
They stood in the grass
and they moo'd with their mood
I stepped from the car
and into the gravel
And cursed out Obama
for making me travel
Its healthcare reform and ARRA!
That has me out here for almost no pay...
The lot was deserted
and smelled like manure
which must drift across
from Tucker's, I'm sure
He sold a small corner
of his vast fields of green
Now he's got cows on both sides
and this hotel in between
It's a Holiday Inn,
no wait, it's not that
It some kind of new place,
generic and flat
With carpets and curtains all shipped in pre-made
They're flimsy but cheap, just the right grade
It's a Stay-Inn-Motel
it says on the sign
And when the Bobs saw the prices
they thought it'd be fine
It's not, after all, Miami or Spain
Just a little hick town, without even a train
The front desk was spartan,
one phone and one clerk
and she stood there and waited
and smiled with a smirk
The Stay-Inn was empty
she said it was growing
And that would help Tucker
cut back on his mowing
With my bag and my laptop
and a hope the key fit
I trudged up to my room
like it was the Ritz
It had little shampoos
a cheap plastic alarm
And a full view of Tucker's
his cows and his farm
I went to the window,
looked out it and sighed
They Bobs aren't just cheap,
they're also quite blind
I'd find a way out, get past all those rules
That had me out here, a country-bound fool
Then I saw the old man,
on top of his rig
A green John Deere Lexus,
really quite big
He leaned back and he smiled
and winked up my way
And he turned and he laughed,
and I knew right away
That Tucker had been out here
alone with the birds
With only his pigs
and the cows and the turds
And for just a few acres
of grass and of dirt
he bought off the Bobs
and the Stay-Inn white shirts
So I look out the window
and think, "ain't it a bitch?"
how that old farmer Tucker
got himself rich
on the old Tucker place
Past the faded red barns
and the old missle base
There's a brand new hotel,
built just last year
And it's really not far,
but it's really not near
The Bobs looked at prices
and decided they needed
a place not too fancy
the lot not too weeded
So I drove my white rental
down the straight asphalt track
Past a barbed wire fence
and the weathered old shack
Past the tall skinny pines
and gnarled oak trees
And way past the sign
for the new Applebees
I looked out the window
at the browns and the grays
And the light yellow greens
soon to be maize
They flashed past the windows
in a blurred country scene
Complete with the cattle
and the pigs that looked mean
The black and white cows,
well they just didn't move
They stomped muddy hoofs
and they snorted and stewed
They stood and they stared,
and they chewed and they chewed
They stood in the grass
and they moo'd with their mood
I stepped from the car
and into the gravel
And cursed out Obama
for making me travel
Its healthcare reform and ARRA!
That has me out here for almost no pay...
The lot was deserted
and smelled like manure
which must drift across
from Tucker's, I'm sure
He sold a small corner
of his vast fields of green
Now he's got cows on both sides
and this hotel in between
It's a Holiday Inn,
no wait, it's not that
It some kind of new place,
generic and flat
With carpets and curtains all shipped in pre-made
They're flimsy but cheap, just the right grade
It's a Stay-Inn-Motel
it says on the sign
And when the Bobs saw the prices
they thought it'd be fine
It's not, after all, Miami or Spain
Just a little hick town, without even a train
The front desk was spartan,
one phone and one clerk
and she stood there and waited
and smiled with a smirk
The Stay-Inn was empty
she said it was growing
And that would help Tucker
cut back on his mowing
With my bag and my laptop
and a hope the key fit
I trudged up to my room
like it was the Ritz
It had little shampoos
a cheap plastic alarm
And a full view of Tucker's
his cows and his farm
I went to the window,
looked out it and sighed
They Bobs aren't just cheap,
they're also quite blind
I'd find a way out, get past all those rules
That had me out here, a country-bound fool
Then I saw the old man,
on top of his rig
A green John Deere Lexus,
really quite big
He leaned back and he smiled
and winked up my way
And he turned and he laughed,
and I knew right away
That Tucker had been out here
alone with the birds
With only his pigs
and the cows and the turds
And for just a few acres
of grass and of dirt
he bought off the Bobs
and the Stay-Inn white shirts
So I look out the window
and think, "ain't it a bitch?"
how that old farmer Tucker
got himself rich
Thursday, April 22, 2010
There might be clouds
Stepping to the window in the morning, I know most people are cheered if they see the sun's radiance filling the sky. Not me. And I don't know why.
Maybe it's a gene scientists will eventually discover. Until then, it's just a membership in an odd club of people who like stormy skies. Cloudaphiles. Neurotics who are inexplicably drawn to complex formations, threatening skies, and contrasting yellows and blues and greys.
It's not that I don't like the sun. But after a while, it burns me out, like a bright blue fabric sitting in some Arizona store window. I become faded; pale blue and brittle.
There's no background quite like a distant and low rumble that moves across the horizon and stretches back and forth across the low parts of the audible sound spectrum.
And I think the gene may have been passed on. As we stood in the garage last week, Thomas and I watched a rare spring rain pound down upon the driveway and live oaks. He suddenly peeled off his shoes and spun out into the maelstrom. He splashed into the puddles along the curbs and swung in the backyard hammock.
When he came in, he said, "Dad, isn't this AWESOME?" What could I say? Yep.
So, when I wake up, I look at the window and think, "This might just be a good day. There might be clouds."
Maybe it's a gene scientists will eventually discover. Until then, it's just a membership in an odd club of people who like stormy skies. Cloudaphiles. Neurotics who are inexplicably drawn to complex formations, threatening skies, and contrasting yellows and blues and greys.
It's not that I don't like the sun. But after a while, it burns me out, like a bright blue fabric sitting in some Arizona store window. I become faded; pale blue and brittle.
There's no background quite like a distant and low rumble that moves across the horizon and stretches back and forth across the low parts of the audible sound spectrum.
And I think the gene may have been passed on. As we stood in the garage last week, Thomas and I watched a rare spring rain pound down upon the driveway and live oaks. He suddenly peeled off his shoes and spun out into the maelstrom. He splashed into the puddles along the curbs and swung in the backyard hammock.
When he came in, he said, "Dad, isn't this AWESOME?" What could I say? Yep.
So, when I wake up, I look at the window and think, "This might just be a good day. There might be clouds."
Sunday, April 11, 2010
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