Green Lantern and the HOD

There he would be, walking along the side of the house on Kenton Street near the hostas and dandelions; with a bottle of apple juice clenched between the few teeth he had, in a one-piece hand-me-down tee shirt that snapped under his diapers.   His wisps of white blond hair swaying and bouncing like wind-blown corn silk.   Moving around the yard like a curious baby penguin.

Tommy was cool - in a million different ways.   Indomitable and irrepressible.   But, while a 12 year-old Tommy could rule the world with those qualities, the 14-month old version made it difficult for a mother who already had two toddlers in the same yard.

On summer days, the words “where on earth did you get that?” would drift through the open screens.   He'd be busy in the yard using the hose, investigating, or eating some interesting thing (like ants or cicadas) and often playing with the neighbor’s dog.   Julie would wipe the dirt off his mouth and probe it for foreign objects.   Then you'd hear, "Oh my god, you can't eat that..."

It was about that time that Tommy met Green Lantern. An emerald green plastic action figure, Green Lantern was larger than Barbie or Batman – about the size of his older cousin, Stretch Armstrong.   It wasn't long before he became Tommy’s trusted sidekick and companion.

But Green Lantern wasn't everyone’s favorite.   During Barbie fashion shows, Green Lantern would burst into their midst; a green leviathan among the skinny little models.    He was not invited or tolerated.   And since he awkwardly towered over the Batman figures like an overgrown baby, he was rarely, if ever, invited to join the pursuit of Joker and Shredder.

It didn’t faze Tommy.   He steadfastly loved Green Lantern, even if he was a misunderstood outcast.   We decided it made him that much cooler.   He was invincible, even against Stretch Armstrong (who was lost to us in an evil experiment to test his chemical composition).   We animated Green Lantern in our conversations, and he’d frequently add his opinion on any topic; joining the conversation in a low voice.  

Given the resiliency required to be a sidekick on Tommy's adventures, it was remarkable that Green Lantern lasted unscathed as long as he did.   He had a green fabric one-piece superhero outfit, which we sewed and sewed until it looked like a quilt.   One day, Tommy tearfully told me that Lantern’s head was falling off. As we took him to my workshop, Lantern asked us what the problem was, what was wrong with his head, and where we were taking him.   We didn’t want him to know he wasn’t invincible, so we made up some story about needing to fix his outfit again, and applied some duct tape to his collar.

Eventually, Green Lantern’s head fell right off.   Tommy and I again took him to the workshop in the laundry room.   Lantern was disoriented, but we told the head that nothing at all was wrong.   Then we took about 4 sticks of hot glue and performed a miraculous surgery.   When the glue cooled, the patient couldn’t move his head anymore, but had earned another lifetime of adventure.

When Green Lantern was back to normal, we decided it was best to conceal the medical procedure.   Tommy said, “Dad, don’t tell Lantern about the h.o.d.”   Lantern couldn’t spell.   The funniest part was Lantern saying, “What?  What about the h.o.d.?”   We’d wink at each other, laugh, and tell him it was nothing.   Even when Tommy got older and knew the correct spelling, we still said “h.o.d.” around Green Lantern.  And laugh.

That phrase has been immortalized in our family, just like Green Lantern.  And like Green Lantern, Tommy is just as cool today as he was confidently wandering around the backyard looking for trouble and clutching his green superhero.