Pirates in Cincinnati

In Chicago, the sport of car towing is only slightly less practiced on the streets and alleys than bastketball or even the revered corn hole (bean bag) game.  I kind of grew up with it, so even now when I see a "cars will be towed" sign, I do cringe - even if it's an unconcious vestige from my home town.

Today, a colleague asked me to lunch in downtown Cincinnati.  We parked our cars in an innocent-looking corner lot which had parking meters that asked for 25 cents for 10 minutes.  We only had a few quarters between us so we stuffed them in the meters and headed to lunch.  A change machine was suspiciously absent in the lot. 

When we got to the restaurant, I suggested that we really should go back and feed some more quarters into the machines.  So I cashed a dollar and headed back.  When I arrived back at the lot, a scruffy (and I pegged him as mean) man emerged from a black tow truck (Cincinnati Towing Service, evidently a car laundering service for the parking lot owners) and was peering into each meter.  There were less than 10 cars in the lot.  I wondered briefly if he would just jack my car up anyway for fun.  I think he was glaring at me because of my blue suit.  I rushed over and put another 40 minutes in each meter.  Before I could walk away, he had moved on and had an F150 up on his rig and the gears were grinding it up.

C'mon, it's a quarter for 10 minutes!  To a sane person (me), it sure feels like stealing (OK, car kidnapping).  Legal car theft.  Why not erect a sign up that says "thanks for the quarter, we're watching and when your ten minutes are up, we are taking this vehicle for ransom..."  Just because of a quarter ...? 

Actually, it made me kind of homesick for the buccaneers - no, not Tampa - the Chicago ones - the Lincoln Park Pirates...  And it made me think of Steve Goodman.

The streetlamps are on in Chicago tonight,
And lovers a'gazin' at stars;
The stores are all closin', and Daley is dozin',
And the fat man is counting the cars...
And there's more cars than places to put 'em, he says,
But I've got room for them all;
So 'round 'em up boys, 'cause I want some more toys,
In the lot by the grocery store...

To me, way, hey, tow them away,
The Lincoln Park Pirates are we,
From Wilmette to Gary, there's nothin' so hairy
And we always collect our fee!
So it's way, hey, tow 'em away,
We plunder the streets of your town,
Be it Edsel or Chevy, there's no car too heavy,
And no one can make us shut down.